Excuse me for sounding like a whiney teenage girl, but it's not fair.

You shouldn't be allowed to just waltz into my life and change everything and then just LEAVE two months later.


I shouldn't feel like I am losing part of myself but I am.

I'm dreading thursday so much.




My heart is breaking.




For once this isn't about a boy at all. Sigh.

Yesterday I made the conscious decision to give up on my novel with 13,471 words left.

I already lost my motivation and a bet to Alex, of which I have to publically humiliate myself for (though probably in one of the best ways, so it's really not that bad). But I don't like losing and that was already one blow to my ego.

I told my new friend Michael Aranda that I was done - over it, and going to quit.

And then he made another stupid bet with me.


I have to win now. Even though I have no motivation and little time... I cannot lose two bets to two boys over the same matter. I would have to hide in my room in the dark until January.

Sigh. Back to writing, I suppose.

I'm flying down to san francisco today to stay for the weekend and attend YouTube Live tomorrow.

This is probably a good thing, because now I wont spend all weekend thinking about the Twilight Movie and like.. having a relapse or something. Which was a very likely scenario. I dont care what all you haters that are too cool for the books now say, seeing that movie was almost like reading the book for the first time again.

BUT ANYWAY.
YouTube. Concert. Tomorrow.
So many people there that I hope to get to meet.
I'm sure I'll do a thorough recap when I get home.


Slightly worried about nanowrimo. Maybe I'll write on the plane?
I may just have a lot of work to do when I get home. Fingers crossed that Alex is too busy to write this weekend, haha. :D

Um. Yes.




More later.


PS. caterinadavinci  was all over that shit.

In 2006 and 2007, Nanowrimo was a cakewalk.

In 2006, I started 4 days late and still finished 2 days early.
In 2007, I wrote 59,000 words.

This year have been perpetually 2000-5000 words behind and I just cant seem to catch up. And now of course, mememolly has convinced me to go to YTLive in San Francisco, which will be great fun I'm sure, but there go three very crucial writing days I really needed.

It's okay. I'm getting to hang out in California. Spend the weekend with Sam and Molly. Meet Todd (Toddly00) and Abby (songsfromahat) and various other people. I know I wont even be thinking about Nanowrimo.

But now I have a new bet with Alex and he's probably going to  win and then I am going to be stuck writing a love song about him because I opened my big mouth and challenged him. Stupid stupid me. Ha.

Off to write.

I've been feeling oddly sentimental lately, and spending a lot of time on websites I used to frequent a lot but kind of gave up on with my new obsession with YouTube about a year ago.
Yesterday I spent nearly and hour going through unread notes and messages on DeviantArt and reminiscing about being a stock model and how much fun I used to have with it.
I spent so much time hating my two years between highschool and UW that I kind of blocked out the good stuff. There was some good stuff.
Lately I've just been lovin' life, but the past few days I've been in this weird "missing how things used to be" kind of funk.

I chose a silly time to try and write this. I'm at work and it's will call so people keep walking up and needing me to find their tickets.
I'll continue this later.

Nanowrimo always reminds me of LJ icons and LJ icons remind me that I never update this journal anymore.

I'm about 9000 words into this year's novel.

Essentially it's a Goosebumps book.

I'm lovin' it.

Much different from what I am used to writing.

caterinadavinci and I bond so much in november. It's crazy.

Let the reclusiveness begin.

</lj>

Can't.. even.. describe..

So many things in my life that I cant put into words.
I keep a paper journal too, once that I really havent even touched since 2007.. anyway I was trying to recap seven months of my existence last night and I just realized how ridiculous my life is. When I'm home, I feel like nothing is happening and i have nothing to write about, but then I go on these countless trips month after month and so MUCH happens that there is no possible way to describe how these parts of my life make me feel.

I don't know if this is the most healthy way to live, but to me, it's worth it. I wouldn't give up the friends I have all over and the time we spend together for a more "normal" version of life here at home. Regularity is relative, and I'm not unhappy, so no complaints.

Although it would be nice to not fall for boys who live 1800 miles away. That's a tad inconvenient.
But again! I'm tough. Hardly have reason to feel sorry about any of it.

Portus was a blast. I love everyone. Thanks for yet another fabulous week out of my life.

Going to pick Scarlette up from the airport in about two hours.
She's going to be here for a week, and then Brittany and I have a show with the Lupins (and the Good Cheer I think?) in Seattle, and then we're going to Iowa for 5 days.

It's going to be a really busy 2 and a half weeks or so.
I am so excited that I have set myself up for such an exhilerating summer. My only regret is that Brittany and I aren't playing very many shows, but at least I get to be immersed in wizard rock and music and all the things I love pretty much constantly for three months.

I also wish I could get over to the UK for a visit during 2008, but I probably just have to sit tight and twiddle my thumbs until next summer, when I plan to go for a month or two.

I am so impatient, all the time. It hurts my bank account.

I miss a lot of people right now, but it's a pleasant kind of missing. Like a, I-can't-wait-to-see-you-in-the-near-future kind of missing. Not the painful kind of missing I felt during the school year.


Also.. I am way too addicted to my fire red pokemon game. It's like being 12 again. I love it.

Well.. I am home from tour.

I've been home for a week now, but I'm still kind of in denial that it's over and I am only just getting back into the regular rhythm of life.

I dont think I could possibly write down everything that happened in those 10 days on the road... it was too much, too fast. It was amazing. Kind of life changing. I already knew this, but it really solidified the fact that I know I have to travel for the rest of my life. I will never be content in one place for too long. Just not my style.

Highlights of the trip:
1. Liane surprising me at the airport, and knowing she sat on a bus ALL DAY to come as see me. God I picked well when I chose the fiveawesomegirls, because these people are the best friends I could have ever asked for.
2. Getting to spend so much uninterrupted time with Lauren. She is truly one of my very best friends and I really valued even minute with her.
3. Meeting/spending so much time with Lena. I really didnt know her at all before this trip, and she is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. And, fittingly, leads me to #3.
4. Singing/playing music with Lena. She is the most passionate musician I have ever met and performing with her was amazing.
5. Car rides. Usually car rides are boring and uncomfortable, but every moment spent in the car with these two girls was a blast.
6. Our first show in Amherst where a seriously hardcore little fan gave me a homemade Slytherin locket.
7. Having people come to the show and saying they knew us from fiveawesomegirls. This was a new experience, and very exciting. Also, seeing Nerdfighter shirts in the audience.  And meeting the seriously enthusaistic Librarian Pam who took us out to lunch and to bookstores.
8. Meeting Hayley. The weirdest feeling ever is spending 5 months doing a vlog project with someone and THEN meeting them, and trying to balance the fact that you have NEVER MET THEM with the fact that you're already best friends and know tons about each other. It was amazing. And talking with her for HOURS about Youtube and youtube boyfriends and how unfair life is.... love her.
9. The house party at Squib Girl's house. Surprisingly not the smallest show of tour, and definitely the most comfortable. Lots of great food, and hanging out, playing our set on a couch. It was the best. And having Hayley and Graham there just made it even better.
10. Being a complete mastermind and figuring out Graham's sacred cork trick. I am a total warrior. I will take that secret to my grave.
11. Not wanting to say goodbye to Hayley but knowing there were just tons more amazing people down the road to see, so grudgingly driving off to Newark Ohio where we played a show in a freaking warehouse, where I got to see Matt for the first time in 7 months, and properly meet Justin FF.
12. The wonderfully amazing homemade cupcakes at said warehouse show. Of which I ate three.
13. Getting to Indianapolis and just knowing we were in the same town as John Green, and allowing ourselves to be giddy and fangirly while we made s'mores in the microwave in our hotel.
14. Exploding our oatmeal in the microwave at said hotel, and then proceeding to writing a Looking For Alaska song for John in the parking lot 30 minutes before we were supposed to meet him.
15. MEETING WILLY! Oh yeah, and John himself. Going to his house, seeing the room where he films, and him taking us out to lunch. THAT, my friends, is this Nerdfighter's idea of a perfect day. Talking about youtube and touring and our love lives with John Green, him worrying about what his waitress though about him buying lunch for three young girls without his wife around (she knows nothing of his books or youtube)... getting PAPER TOWNS.
16. Driving to Peoria, IL and playing a seriously fun outdoor show with Chasing Quaffles, and then after the show was over and we were packing up, out of nowhere comes Nina, Ryan, Jason, and Mark!! Best surprise ever. And then good pasta, when we went out to eat with everyone.
17. Staying at a sketchy hotel with everyone in NoWhere, IL (Litchfield or something) and having to pack up in the pouring rain... even that has become a fond memory with some passing of time..
18. A not awesome part was finding out our channel got hacked but seriously, the support we got was overwhelming. Knowing Hayley and Liane were taking care of it, calling John frantic and asking advice, Alex from 5AGuys promising to help and Jaz calling to calm me down and make me promise to forget about it at Wrockstock and just have fun.. I love all of you guys.
19. Random Thrift store in Missouri where we got the most amazing clothes. Most of which we didnt end up wearing at Wrockstock, but the fun was in trying them on anyhow. Jason, please keep that tracksuit and wear it sometime.
20. GETTING TO WROCKSTOCK AND SEEING EVERYOOOOONE.

Wrockstock was just amazing. So so so so many of my friends were there it was just overwhelming. Meeting Molly of Roonil Wazlib was really great, as she is sweet and adorable and everything about her is good. Spending so much time with Jake was seriously necessary and we had a blast, and the same goes for EVERYONE else. It had been too long since I'd seen Jace, it was great to spend time with Nina, I adored having Eia there with me, Scarlette should just always been in my life, and Erin, it was great getting to know her. Andrew Slack was, as always, totally inspiring and I feel like we really bonded. It was wonderful to see Toby and Tyler and Alex, and Matt's show was out of this world. His best performance ever, and I was so glad to be in the front row.
I had a greeeat time partying with Lena, and getting to know Stacey more (she lives near me, what gives) and overall sharing a cabin with the MoM guys was a blast. Had a few good chats with Abby, and met a lot of people I had only talked to on Facebook. And, of course, spending a whole weekend with Jason is never a bad thing.

I got to try ziplining (which was terrifying, until I actually jumped, and then the flying through the air bit was awesome) and we went on a pontoon boat ride, and took loads of polaroid pictures. And one night there was all this crazy lightning in the sky and Jake and I just stood outside watching it and we were entranced. It was kind of magical.

I am so overwhelmed with love and awe and inspiration. I am so glad I went on this trip, I feel so much more awake and alive and I just cant wait to see everyone again.

Going home on Monday was really sad and hard but at least I had Eia with me. And we got to hang out at the arch with our friends in St. Louis for awhile before we took off. I just lost it at the airport saying bye to Lauren and Lena... tears just exploded out of my eyeballs, even though I tried hard to keep it together. I really love those girls.

Now I am home and this is a long entry but I am kind of glad I got everything written down. Feels better about accepting that it's over, knowing I have it all right here to read over when I am feeling nostalgic.

Plus Scarlette gets here on Wednesday night and there is much, much more fun to be had.

I am SO angry that Terminus and 888 overlap.

WHOSE STUPID IDEA WAS THIS?

Ahhhhhhhh.

I mean, obviously I am going to Terminus. Magic will happen at Terminus. It promises to be, hands down, the best week of 2008.

But WHY, YouTube, WHY tarnish that by having the biggest YT meetup of the year RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR HP CON?

I thought Terminus was going to be unstoppable because every single one of my friends was going to be there. But a lot of my friends are going to be in Toronto. :(
AND THATS ANOTHER THING. The HP stuff was in Toronto last year! Again, poor planning!

Okay. I feel better now.

But not really. I wanna be in 2 places at once. :\

/rant.

Just bought Scarlette her birthday present.... a ticket to come visit Eia, Brittany and I in June!!!
This is really a present for all of us. So worth it. =)



Also, my brother seriously sprained his ankle today because he kicked someone who was trying to steal his tots. I have taken to calling him Nickpoleon Dynamite.

This is my last non-busy day before I fly to the east coast to go on tour with Lauren... I am very very excited and I SHOULD be doing homework/packing but I have been keeping up a pretty responsible mix of being productive/slacking since I woke up, so forget it.

I've got a Polisci exam tomorrow that I am not looking forward to.. luckily ch.8 is about elections, so that should be fairly easy.. and to be honest I haven't even looked at ch.10 yet so I don't know what's in store for me. Ha.
When did I turn into a lousy student? It hasn't always been like this.


Today I got a dollar that says "Kelly loves Reggie."
I just want to point out that I am very happy for them. I appreciated their love as I spent their dollar on mailing a package to the UK.
Which cost me SEVEN DOLLARS to ship. It wasn't even that big! I hope Jazza enjoys his birthday present, grumblegrumble.
On that topic, I was skyping with Alex (nerimon) today and I was quite irked when he had to go because Jazza had just arrived at his house. Unfair on so many levels. I should stop making friends in other countries. It's frustrating.


I'm working on a new video for my personal channel that I think is going to be really good. At least I find it entertaining. I hope to finish it by tomorrow night. I neglect my own channel sometimes because 5AG takes up so much damn time. Hey, it's Monday btw. xD My video is autoplaying right now if you care.

Okay, now I am going to go twitter about how I am LJing about YouTube. Hahhaha. The internet is for nerds.

xoxo Kristina

Speed Racer was so so so freaking good.

I went in without any expectations (which is the norm lately, as I did the same with Iron Man) and neither movie let me down.

I don't even know what it was about Speed Racer. The amazing effects and colorful backgrounds, the wonderfully confusing futuristic old fashioned setting, the fact that every single boy in the cast was adorable (in either a my-age good looking sort of way, or a hilarious little kid sort of way)... anyway, I had a good time.

In other news, on a whim, I've decided to get my hair cut tomorrow.
As of right now, I am kind of thinking something rather major.
However, tomorrow I may chicken out.

The appeal of having super freaking long hair is wearing off. I don't want that frumpy look, and I'm afraid that's where it's going.
My only issue with giving it the chop is that my long hair makes me look like Rosalie Hale. xD

That's all. Goodnight!

xoxo Kristina

Well this is odd.

This is like going on a very long vacation and then coming home... and everything feels exactly as it always has and yet different at the same time.
For the last six months or so I barely even logged in to LJ.
I just lost interest.
And I totally dont even know what sparked my interest in coming back. I'll admit, I was just going to start over. I even made a new LJ and wrote an entry, but it didn't feel right. So I just came back to the old one, privated all my old entries, and am basically (I guess) starting fresh here.



I'm a muuuch different person than I was when I used to write in here regularly. I mean, logistically speaking, I am the same Kristina in every way, but emotional and theoretically and even physically.. different.

2008 is blurring by. I want to try to hold on to whatever precious moments I can, and hopefully this will help.
This year is almost too intense for me. And it's all about to really really begin.. starting next week it all becomes one big downward slope of traveling, touring, music, friends, parties, flying, roadtrips, shows, and week after week of youtube videos.
Oh yeah, nice to meet you. I'm a youtube addict. I apologize in advance for that.

Anyhow, this is a nice start. I'm not setting myself up here with any goal of regularity, or any sort of commitment to keeping an online journal. We'll just see. It's not like I reeeeally need any more forms of online expression. Ha.

Also, I'm not friendslocking my entries anymore. If I can make videos once a week on youtube, I can leave my journal public. I ain't got nothing to hiiide. xD

Here's to.... new-ness.